There are times I'm sure when a lot of us have felt uneasy by what we've thought to be our limitations. I know I have, and when it was happening I felt almost helpless to do anything about it.
When I was in my late teens for instance, what was happening with me seemed like the five-alarm fire that was about to rage out of control without having the means to really fight it. My attempts at trying to become established as a young adult could best be described as a series of hits and misses; some of it from being influenced by a handful of unsavory associates at the time.
My self-esteem took a big hit; mainly because my responses to situations were more reactive than thoughtful. In other words, I behaved based on what I thought would win me popularity points, rather than what I felt, deep down, was more instinctive and sensible. Because wanting acceptance from certain people within my social circle whose own ambitions were not readily apparent to say the least, oddly enough, almost became my undoing. Coupled with the constant reminders of behaving like a fish out of water being a Deacon's kid, I had conveniently ignored my own familial heritage for a life style that was by nature filled with pitfalls. It was an identity crisis in overdrive.
After a time I was in the midst of doing the predictable things such as starting my first full-time job, even though I was the lowest guy on the 'totem pole'. I also enrolled in college with a full slate of classes, but needless to say things didn't exactly go as planned. It all seemed like being on a treadmill running at three-quarter speed, but not really going anywhere. My parents were as supportive as they could be, but their expectations of how I might survive that test were probably more realistic than my own. I didn't want to seem like I was throwing in the towel because I felt dealing with 'the grind' was really expected of me, until finally 'the light came on' and I removed the blinders from my eyes. After taking a real close look at my life I realized I couldn't afford to waste any more time floundering with my ambitions, and knew I needed to make better choices for myself.
It was simple enough really. I began to appreciate the support structure I had around me and the people that were really concerned about my welfare; parents and sibling who had set good examples and had really covered me in so many ways like a close-knit family would, as well as my extended family. Stepping out of the shadow of situations that did little to compliment my life, as well as those 'so-called friends' who appeared to only have selfish motives on the other hand, was a great relief. I clashed with them at times while gradually weaning myself from their influence but I was committed to re-writing my story. Deciding to enlist in the Air Force after about a year of the grind, to this day, was one of the best decisions of my life.
Evaluate Self
When I started college again after my discharge from the Air Force, I studied Psychologist Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs; the highest of which is 'Self-Actualization' - It is the realization of our full potential and abilities. That process was somewhat of a crawl for me, and maybe even for some of you, but it did occur eventually. I believe we all must try and get to that point of not having to substitute our own self-worth or core identity with what's popular, or what looks like pressure to conform to something that really 'goes against the grain', or just the fear of being rejected.
Being weighed down with your own challenges, as well as trying to survive the 'fiery darts' from others, might make you feel like nothing more than a 'baggage handler' with miles to go while those bags keep weighing you down. If we are expected to remain free from the dungeons of our imaginations, we should each search for that talent or that ability that distinguishes us.
During my own journey, I've found that the following sign-posts for surviving the noise from the naysayers are worth noting:
( 1 ) Ignore the Tags
Don't get hung up on labels others may have for you. They're usually based on a particular bias, and they don't tell the whole story. They are typically only a caricature of the real you, and far from the authentic person you know yourself to be.
When I was younger, I had so many 'nicknames' it made me feel like I was 'other worldly' at times. The one that probably stands out the most is 'Buzzard'. It's still a mystery to me how I got tagged with that name, but I did know that a buzzard was considered a 'dirty bird' because it was awkward looking and it feasted on dead things. Back then, I was a little sensitive about all of those names but as I matured and became more self-aware, they became almost like terms of endearment; at least that was my way of rationalizing away the stigma that made me feel a little self-conscious at times. I knew I couldn't stay in that mindset and continue moving forward. It was the millstone I needed to part with in the worst way.
I've learned that whether you're young or old, labels can only stifle your potential if you let them abide with you for too long. So, decide you'll ditch the emotional baggage that labels, as well as unflattering 'nicknames' can create, and lighten your load but with your goals still clearly intact.
( 2 ) Beware of 'Faux Friendships'
You can recognize them coming a mile away; sort of like a jalopy that smokes a lot, but rattles and backfires too. Whose driver will always claim "she only needs a little bit of work, then she'll be as good as new"; and in the same breath won't hesitate to ask you for money to help do the 'fixing' while he waits on his next check..
These counterfeit friends are opportunists that usually prey on your generosity. The one thing you can depend on with them is their laser-sharp focus on what they want, or need for themselves, with little or no regard for how it affects you or your situation.
Having a healthy self-image reduces the opportunity for these personality types to infiltrate your psyche. They tend to rely on qualities they may possess that are more superficial with the impression of appearing to be more sociable, just to seem more credible. It tends to only mask their own insecurities, as well as the real intent for wanting to make your acquaintance.
If one of you opens the door with some conversation for instance, and the dialogue happens to morph into a 'monologue' about them, and what mountains they've overcome in their careers, or what valleys they spent time in with a difficult relative, co-worker, or boss and so on and so forth, then that person probably has decided they have very little time to invest in what's going on in your life, even though they could really be enlightened by what you might have to share with them. Hitting the 'exit ramp' as soon as possible in that situation is probably a good option.
( 3 ) Test Your Limits
Think outside the box and challenge yourself to perform tasks you may have thought you didn't have the physical or mental acuity to complete. Don't shy away from them because of the prospect of failing. Anxiety from previous attempts at a particular challenge that didn't pan out can have a paralyzing effect on your willingness to try your hand at something new. Don't let fear dictate your next move, and just as importantly your decision to stop trying.
Some of the most well-known inventors in American history failed many times with their experiments before succeeding, such as Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, Wilbur & Orville Wright, and Thomas Edison. The driving force behind their tenacity was not just their ingenuity, but their commitment to serving humanity at-large. Who knows where we would be now if those same men decided to 'throw in the towel' before finally succeeding..
When you're busy building yourself up as someone with great pride and purpose in what you're trying to achieve, anything that may seem to be coming against you isn't deserving of your time and energy. God rewards the faithful; and if you'll stand on your faith during your quest then, 'No weapon formed against you shall prosper' Isaiah 54: 17
Somewhere deep inside all of us lies that same tandem of Tenacity & Talent, that's hopefully tempered by a willingness to serve. Decide to tap into it..
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